Christmas Pic

Never That November

Heaven seems to sense my mood and sends the rain to imitate my tears.

If I shed just one for every thought of them I'd cry for a thousand years.

Time has passed and failed to heal my wounds. I wonder if it forgot me...?

Pain is as fresh as the day it first came and sorrow threatens to stop me.

Grief...depression, the line is a blur. How am I supposed to know?

If one is deep and the other deeper, and I feel as low as I can go?

Where happiness was, sadness reigns. Where dreams happened, nightmares lay claim.

My eyes close and see the pain. No escape from myself or yesterday's stain.

So scared to forget, tormenting to remember.

So many things to be thankful for, but never that November.

I couldn't help her. Couldn't hold their hands.

Ease their suffering. Stop him before it began.

Couldn't say goodbye. Couldn't hug one more time.

Couldn't see it coming. I feel so blind.

Didn't even know it happened. Shouldn't I have known?

Felt the agony she did, when their breath had flown?

I couldn't take their place. Couldn't help them at all.

Forced to standby, as hate made them fall.

So scared to forget, tormenting to remember.

So many things to be thankful for, but never that November.

Wrap my arms around myself, to hold the pain in.

Scared to let go, as by doing so, sorrow will win.

So consuming, far reaching, and powerful it feels.

How many times can a wounded soul heal?

Every thought tears me, just a little bit more.

Every memory makes my heart hit the floor.

Happy ones, sad ones, it is all the same.

Because yesterday has ended, tomorrow has abstained.

So scared to forget, tormenting to remember.

So many things to be thankful for, but never that November.

for those who missed it on my facebook

OK soo my kids have issues...Elijah had to get his cast redone b/c he accidentally peed in it...yes...he peed in his cast. I had to take all 4 kids with me while he got that done & Oly started to throw a fit b/c I wouldn't let her put her flash cards all over the floor. So she threatend to pee on herself. There I am trying to hold Elijah while he thinks the guy is going to cut his foot off with the saw he is using on his urine filled cast while Olivia is screaming at me that she is going to pee on herself & I am pleading with her for the love of everything NOT to. She did anyways. I am torn between her and the huge puddle forming on the floor and Elijah and his look of terror. Alexis ran out to the car to get new clothes while I wiped up the pee (with 4 casting people watching me) and carried Olivia to the nearest bathroom with Isa & Elijah hobbling behind me. Olivia kept trying to talk to me and I told her to be quiet b/c I did not want to talk right then. She said "but I wanna talk" and I said "but I don't". To which she replied "you just talked again"......

For Youth Conference we went up to Mt. Rainer. It was so fun! If you look in the middle right hand side of this picture you can see a trail....I almost died on that trail...seriously....ok not really but it COULD HAVE happened. I was scared to death though.... A stream by Narada Falls

Some of my YW and Sis. McGiffin and I.

Caleb....the MAN!!

Caleb is in the ROTC program through his High School. Isn't he soooo handsome!!

I am soo blessed!!!!!

Elijah & Olivia

My two favorite guys

Wapato Park

All of my babies!
Olivia

Isabelle

Elijah

Alexis
We went to Wapato Park in Tacoma and I took some pics of the kids. They fed the geese and we had a picnic. Beautiful place, lots of photo opportunities...but the lake is stagnant and smelly.

It's been a minute...

So I haven't posted in awhile b/c I didn't think anyone was reading my blog. But it turns out some do and want me to add something new. Not much has been happening here around my house. My older sister, Aubrey, had a baby boy back on 5 May. He was 13 wks early but he is doing well. His name is Octavian and he is still up in the NICU though but should be home by his original due date of 31 July. My twin, Sara, had a baby girl named Samiah Joy on 11 June. I was blessed to be able to be there when she was born and spend the 1st two weeks with them. Olivia went with me and and got to spend time with her cousin Peyton. They are only 17 days apart in age so it was fun to see them together. They could get to be quite a handful though, mischievious little buggers. I competed in April and again in June. It was fun but for medical reasons I might be done with competition. Alexis will be going to girls camp on the 6th for the 1st time!! I can't believe how quickly she is growing. Elijah had his 4th birthday on 25 April. Such a little man. Isabelle is close to being out of her ankle braces and into shoe inserts! Sooo excited for that. Not much else..

SO I have 10 days until the Empire Classic. Still need to drop water, get brown, learn to walk like a girl and not fall over when I turn. Getting a bit nervous.

My little baby turns 12 on 02 March 2009. I cannot believe she is growing up so fast. Brianne took her out for the day today and took her to a beauty salon to get her hair done. She got highlights put in her hair and got it curled. She looks so grown and different to me....crazy.

We got all the kids signed up at the YMCA and we LOVE it! Alexis has swimming & conditioning & fitness. Isa has swimming. Elijah has Itty Bitty sports and Toddler Discovery. Olivia has swimming and Toddler Discovery.

Oly going through the obstacle course.

Running and jumping on the trampoline. This was the funniest thing ever! Olivia kept falling every 2 seconds and she would fall flat on her face then b/c it was bouncy her back end would pop up. Then she would get up and do it again. I almost peed myself it was so funny.

In the foam, square block pit thing....took them like 10 minutes to get out. I need one of these at home to throw them into when I need a break.

Elijah on the obstacle course. He LOVED it!

Oly Bear and I in the pool. She did really well, I was surprised. The class sang ring around the rosie and then we dunked the kids under the water. I tried to tell her I was going to dunk her but I guess she didn't understand b/c when she came up she looked confused and looked at me like"Why would you do that to me mommy?" She had fun though.

We have been so busy lately that we hadn't made any plans for Valentine's Day. Then Brianne, Jeremy's sister called and asked if we needed a babysitter!! So freakin' awesome. We took her up on it and went to the Stake Valentine's Day dinner and dance. We had a great time! I love my hubby! Isn't he H.O.T.!!!!

I AM

by Isabelle Ybarra

I am an artist.

I am a photographer's daughter.

I wonder how mom's feeling.

I hear mom say "I love you".

I see birds.

I want peace.

I pretend to be a fairy.

I feel happy.

I touch my hair.

I worry about my family's safety.

I cry when I am sad and scared.

I am an artist.

I understand things are going to be okay.

I say "I love you too, mom."

I dream about having a pet unicorn and pegasus.

I hope that we will be okay.

I am an artist.

Isa wrote this peom all by herself! Her school had a poetry night and each of the kids got to read a poem they wrote. She had written this poem when the school was in a lockdown so that is why she was worried about our safety. She was so brave. She thought she would be too nervous to get up and read her poem, but she did fantastic!!! She is sooo cool.

New Pic

So this is just for you Jessy! I have 106 days left until the competition and I seriously need some more muscle, but I am working on it. I started a new training program called High Intensity Training. Hurts like a mother chicken but hopefully it will break me out of my plateau.

Today we had a breakfast/pajama party at church for the primary. Everyone moved up into their new classes and Elijah became a Sunbeam!!!! I can't believe my little man is a Sunbeam now! I can't believe I have only one kid left in nursery....I wish someone could clip time's wings.